


Fret Not, Dear Heart

by Mockingbirdblues



Series: Fjorclay Week 2020 [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fjorclay Week 2020, Fluff, Healing the healer (kind of), M/M, Post-everything, they're married and live in the woods, trans author if that matters to you, trans fjord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mockingbirdblues/pseuds/Mockingbirdblues
Summary: Caduceus spent so many years waking up alone. He'd tended his garden, guarded his souls, rooted himself in the belief that his family would come back as long as he did his job. He'd just never done that job well enough to earn their return.Apparently even years of adventuring with the Mighty Nein wasn’t enough to fully banish the instinct of abandonment, but it’s not so bad as long as he has Fjord, warm and happy, dawn-soft, as peaceful as the snow that falls quietly outside.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Series: Fjorclay Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715842
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	Fret Not, Dear Heart

Caduceus wakes alone and the first thing he feels is panic. The cool, empty bed triggers a dozen reactions remembered from the years he'd spent by himself, when he'd closed off his heart to save the rest of him. It’s sap-slow action, action that will need time to filter through his blood and his bones and the green magic imbued in both before he feels its effects. 

Caduceus exhales and blinks around the dimly lit bedroom, remembering where he is. The cabin is not his stone fortress at the Blooming Grove. He can still smell Fjord on the sheets and Fjord’s armor is stored in its usual place, so his husband is somewhere, probably close, probably fine. Caduceus has not been left behind again.

It’s still dark outside; the winter mornings are slow to wake. Caduceus stretches, dons a sweater over his sleep clothes, then wanders out of the bedroom and into the brighter realm of the kitchen and living area. 

Fjord is standing at the front door, his stance determined. It takes Caduceus a moment to see that the object of Fjord’s focus is a black cat sitting on the porch. The cat glares at Fjord through the open door as cold air hemorrhages into the cabin. Caduceus chuckles to himself. The tension in his shoulders releases. A few of the alarm bells in his head go quiet. He rescues Fjord’s toast from where it’s about to burn in the pan and sifts through his tea collection. 

“She’s quite comfortable out there, you know,” he says. Fjord startles but holds his ground. 

“In a few weeks it’ll be cold enough to freeze her whiskers off. I’m sure there’s a nice family in the village that would take her in if she’d just let us catch her.” 

Caduceus leans against the counter and tilts his head. The cat had first appeared to them after they finished renovations on the forgotten cabin. She’d been injured and had grudgingly allowed Caduceus to heal her, but vanished back into the woods as soon as she could and usually only visited from a safe distance (much to Fjord’s relief). Caduceus was not sure she was an entirely mortal cat — just a hunch, there was no shortage of unique creatures in these woods — but he was sure she had no interest in leaving. 

“Or I could make a...box? A cat box? Like a den or something?” 

The kettle Fjord set to boil hisses in agreement. Caduceus starts his tea brewing, then crosses the room and wraps his arms around Fjord’s waist. Fjord is still focused on the cat, but he leans into Caduceus when he perches his chin on Fjord’s head. The cat appraises them both cooly. 

“Would you like that?” Caduceus asks her. “Someplace warm and safe for the winter?”

The cat blinks, flicks her ears, and bounds lazily into the shadows, leaving the small pile of food Fjord had set out for her untouched. Fjord snorts. 

“I miss Frumpkin.” 

Caduceus smiles as Fjord’s voice rumbles through him. It eats away at the cold under his skin. He tilts his head down to meet Fjord when he turns in Caduceus’ arms and finally faces him. 

“Morning,” Fjord greets. He goes willingly when Caduceus pulls him closer, kisses his forehead and holds him for a long moment to reassure his own prickling nerves. Fjord nuzzles into him, humming a little, happy to wrap his arms around Caduceus until the chill from the open door becomes distracting. 

“You’re up early,” Caduceus comments after Fjord pulls away, shuts the door, and places another log in the wood stove. 

“Yeah I had a dream about the fuckin...cat. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, so I got up and then she was sitting at the door like she _knew._ ” 

Caduceus nudges Fjord’s rescued toast toward him. Fjord blinks, having completely forgotten about it. 

“Guess I’m making a cat box. What do cats like to sleep on? Should it stay close to the house? Other animals might try to use it if we set it in the woods, right? Wouldn’t do for her to come back to a fox or something. Uh. Hey, are you okay?”

Caduceus hasn’t touched his tea and his gaze is distant: a little dreamier than normal, a little haunted. 

“Hm? Oh, yes.” Caduceus smiles but it’s tense. He shakes his head to clear it. It doesn't work. “Just tired, I guess.” 

Fjord knows him well enough to see through the lie. He's seen Caduceus like this a few times before, but Caduceus hasn’t told him if it’s a nightmare or stress or something else that nags at him and he doesn’t seem like he wants to talk now either, so Fjord goes for an easy, time-tested comfort. 

“Want to go back to bed then?” 

“We have things to do. I don't want to interfere." 

Fjord shrugs. “Hard to chop firewood in the dark.” He catches Caduceus’ eye, leans close, tangles their fingers. “C’mon,” he urges, lifting Caduceus’ hand to kiss his knuckles, “Captain’s orders.” 

“Well. In that case.” 

Fjord grins at him and tugs gently, leading Caduceus through the dark to deposit him in bed. He strips out of his tunic and flushes when he catches Caduceus watching him, one eyebrow raised. 

“Cat hair,” Fjord defends.

“I was definitely not complaining.” 

Fjord joins Caduceus under the thick blankets. Caduceus reaches for him, takes a moment to fondly trace the scars under Fjord’s chest, reassuring himself that Fjord is here and whole, then curls into him and sighs. The last of his panic retreats under the warmth of Fjord’s hands soothing down his back. Caduceus doesn’t mean to sleep, but when he wakes again dawn has bathed the bedroom in pale light and Fjord is tracing the patterns in his undercut. 

“Morning,” Fjord greets in a low murmur when Caduceus shifts. Caduceus finds the right angle to kiss him and smiles, earnest this time, easy. He'd spent so many years waking up alone. He'd tended his garden, guarded his souls, and rooted himself in the belief that his family would come back as long as he did his job. He'd just never done that job well enough to earn their return. Apparently even years of adventuring with the Mighty Nein wasn’t enough to fully banish the instinct of abandonment, but it’s not so bad as long as he has Fjord, warm and happy, dawn-soft, as peaceful as the snow that falls quietly outside. 

They put the cat box between the house and the woods, sheltered under the apple tree. Caduceus washes the bedding occasionally, and some nights he catches a pair of glowing eyes through the window. The scraps of fish never go to waste. In the spring, the apple tree bears more fruit than ever before. 

**Author's Note:**

> 2/3 for fjorclay week. Day 6, Domestic
> 
> Listen. Not even the chillest of us watches their family disappear into the big wide world piece by piece never to be seen again (sort of) and doesn't carry that around for the rest of our life. Just saying. 
> 
> Ferns for sanctuary, honeysuckle for bonded love. 
> 
> (Title from The Amazing Devil's "The Horror and The Wild' which I'm sure everyone knows already)
> 
> Fun facts about the cabin that got cut:  
> \- Haunted. The previous owners stuck around to make sure their homestead was well cared for. Cad banishes them after having a very pleasant chat with them. Fjord considers walking into the sea instead of living there. 
> 
> \- The cat was also a friend of the previous owners. The cat knows many things. 
> 
> \- It's faster to get to the nearest village by boat than land. Fjord spends a few weeks every summer teaching poor/vulnerable kids to sail on the bay. Caduceus supervises from shore and leads excellent meditation classes.


End file.
